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There are those who believe that the existence of gender differences at very early ages is evidence that these differences are biological or generic in origin.

For many women, and a fair number of men, saying ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t literally an apology; it’s a ritual way of restoring balance to a conversation.

It’s a particularly modern myth that married people are best friends. The best-friend concept is a uniquely female phenomena.

Maybe we’re kind of predisposed to think that anything a politician does is calculated and therefore suspect.

My job is to analyze conversations and discover why communications fail.

A sister is like yourself in a different movie, a movie that stars you in a different life.

Conflict and opposition are as necessary as cooperation and agreement, but the scale is off balance, with conflict and opposition overweighted.

The effect of dominance is not always the result of an intention to dominate.

I have two sisters; one is two years older, and one is eight years older. That helped me understand how completely different sister relationships can be.

The trickiest thing about the double bind is that it operates imperceptibly, like shots from a gun with a silencer.

Each person’s life is lived as a series of conversations.

The double bind lowers its boom on women in positions of authority, so those who haven’t yet risen to such positions have not yet felt its full weight.

If you talk to your friends the way your parents talk, they will think you are stiff and odd.

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People vary. You change your style, your hair, and the way you dress. Talking differently will be a part of that.

Our ways of relating to each other become like habits.

A sister is someone who owns part of what you own: a house, perhaps, or a less tangible legacy, like memories of your childhood and the experience of your family.

We all feel wistfulness or regret about roads not taken.

Relationships are made of talk – and talk is for girls and women.

You’re not from Puerto Rico, so you should say Puerto Rico like all the other people from the place that you come from.

Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other’s.

The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation – or a relationship.

We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups.

The meanings of words and the uses of words come from practice from the way people in a given culture use those words.

New Yorkers seem to think the best thing two people can do is talk.

For women, detailed conversation is our lifeblood, while for men it’s just not as critical.

I’ve long believed that if you understand how conversational styles work, you can make adjustments in conversations to get what you want in your relationships.

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The study of gender and language might seem at first to be a narrowly focused field, but it is actually as interdisciplinary as they come.

Mothers and daughters find in each other the source of great comfort but also of great pain. We talk to each other in better and worse ways than we talk to anyone else.

In some ways, siblings, and especially sisters, are more influential in your childhood than your parents.

I think it is important to remember that there are so many different ways to be sisters.

I am the youngest of three girls. My first linguistics book was a study of ‘New York Jewish conversational style’. That was my dissertation.

I wouldn’t say that it’s hard for sisters to treat each other with respect. Many do.

The long history of conversations that family members share contributes not only to how listeners interpret words but also to how speakers choose them.

The dynamic of fathers and sons seems to be more around competition regarding things such as knowledge, accomplishments, expertise.

When evidence emerged that Clinton was a devoted mother, Margaret Carlson writing in ‘TIME’ found her guilty of ‘yuppie overdoting on her daughter.’

Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention – an argument culture.

Much of my work over the years has developed the premise that women’s styles of friendship and conversation aren’t inherently better than men’s, simply different.

All of us aspire to be powerful, and we all want to connect with others.

We tend to look through language and not realize how much power language has.

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Back when the powerful 19th-century senator Henry Clay was called ‘the great compromiser,’ achieving a compromise really was considered great.

I’m a linguist. I study how people talk to each other and how the ways we talk affect our relationships.

I was one of those daughters who saw my mother as my enemy when I was a teen.

Birth order is fascinating, and it is forever.

Asian cultures… place great value on avoiding open expression of disagreement and conflict because they emphasize harmony.

I can’t tell you how many times I heard from younger sisters that their older sisters were bossy and judgmental.

Where the daughter sees power, the mother feels powerless. Daughters and mothers, I found, both overestimate the other’s power – and underestimate their own.

There is more excitement, more amazement when a first is born. No subsequent babies can have that impact.

For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.

There is probably no such thing as a level playing field in political campaigns.

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