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Ray Romano Quotes Captions For Instagram
Ray Romano Quotes Captions For Instagram

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Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

If you are someone, you know, with fame, whatever amount, it’s good to be married to someone who’s not impressed with that at all.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

Identical twins. I’m glad they’re identical ’cause you save money on photographs. That’s what I like. Yeah. Here’s my little boy. I got another one just like it.

I don’t want to say work is who I am, but some people feel more centered and more whole when they’re producing and creating.

If golf wasn’t enjoyable and there wasn’t a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it.

I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out.

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.

I married a saint – well, a saint who curses.

I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and – as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way.

I still got my hair, I’m not fat.

If my father had hugged me even once, I’d be an accountant right now.

It seems to be a common denominator with a lot of comics, this low self-esteem thing.

Ray Romano Quotes Captions For Instagram
Ray Romano Quotes Captions For Instagram

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In school, I wasn’t a very good student – I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

After ‘Raymond,’ there was this big feeling of, ‘What do I do next?’

I have some classes in accounting, but I don’t know anything about accounting. I – you know, when my accountant tells me all the things he does, it’s a foreign language to me.

People are going to see both of us and think it’s an Abbott and Costello kind of thing. It’s not an easy switch. It’s not an easy transition from TV to film.

If I’m really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing to do, or you can go either way. You can just do the same character over and over again and make a different comedy like over and over again.

The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political humor, some do topical humor, but the ones that I like, the ones that are appealing to me, were guys who were just talking to you about their life.

I have the show because I’m insecure. It’s my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.

You don’t want to shock them and do something totally opposite, but you also want to play a different character.

I feel like this is a dream – and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

I love standup and I haven’t given it up.

I have this mistress: show business. I get a lot of love and adulation from outside, and [my wife] lets me have that, while she does all the real-life stuff that counts – making sure the kids are going to school and all that. I married a saint – well, a saint who curses.

Ray Romano Quotes Captions For Instagram
Ray Romano Quotes Captions For Instagram

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In a way, comedy is like sex. The more noise you hear, the better you think you’re doing.

Flappers sounds like where waitresses go after they’re too old to work at Hooters.

When you wake up one day and say, You know what? I don’t think I ever need to sleep or have sex again. Congratulations, you’re ready (to have children).

The only thing I miss from the sitcom format is that immediate gratification of when you’re, if we’re talking about comedy, of the live audience.

That’s when you know you’re a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

I had a very Italian house – the plastic furniture you couldn’t sit on house. Did anybody have the museum house? For a kid it’s traumatic. Towels you can never touch. China no one’s ever gonna use. Everything is for a special occasion that never happens. My mother was waiting for the Pope to show up for dinner. Or Sinatra. Or Chachi.

I’ll be spending the holidays with my family. Nothing special, just some light bickering and biting sarcasm.

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it’s oral sex, I know it’s time to renew my driver’s license.

Whenever I get down about life going by too quickly, what helps me is a little mantra that I repeat to myself: at least I’m not a fruit fly.

When you go to standup, there seems to be a common denominator of some form of need or want for validation from the audience that maybe you were lacking as a kid.

I came from an Italian house. The refrigerator was always full. I never knew you had to buy food. I thought there were food fairies that came at night.

I’m now unemployed. It’s a weird feeling with no work, but at least there’s still golf. Standup comedy is like my core, it’s what I do. But I want to be a pro golfer. It’s a love/hate relationship with golf. I can come away feeling so serene, and yet, it’s the thing that I can let get to me to throw a club and say curses that don’t even exist. I’m obsessed with something that won’t let me master it. I don’t know. I need therapy.

Ray Romano Quotes Captions For Instagram
Ray Romano Quotes Captions For Instagram

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I wasn’t really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I’d read about them, and occasionally I’d see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong.

The married man has all but eliminated that worry from his life, simply because his wife knows all about him: the good, the bad, and the tiny.

My theory has always been that everyone in show business is there because they were deprived of some attention as a child.

People think living in your parents’ basement until you’re twenty-nine is lame. But what they don’t realize is that while you’re there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.

I do know its important to keep the romantic spark alive in your marriage. But with four kids, sometimes it’s enough just to keep yourself alive.

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