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Groucho Marx Quotes Captions For Instagram
Groucho Marx Quotes Captions For Instagram

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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Humor is reason gone mad.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx Quotes Captions For Instagram
Groucho Marx Quotes Captions For Instagram

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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.

A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.

I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Groucho Marx Quotes Captions For Instagram
Groucho Marx Quotes Captions For Instagram

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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

I’ve got the brain of a four year old. I’ll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt.

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

I won’t belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.

Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

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