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Bill Maher Quotes Captions For Instagram
Bill Maher Quotes Captions For Instagram

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Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’

Freedom isn’t free. It shouldn’t be a bragging point that ‘Oh, I don’t get involved in politics,’ as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn’t insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.

Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don’t have all the answers to think that they do.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.

They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

Kids. They’re not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?

Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

Bill Maher Quotes Captions For Instagram
Bill Maher Quotes Captions For Instagram

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We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That’s cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it’s not cowardly.

Hi, I’m Bill. I’m a birth survivor.

Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

This is a ridiculous heat wave we’re in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.

To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who’s your real friend? It’s the person who tells you the truth. That’s who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.

If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you’d resign in protest.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them. (The Decider, July 21, 2007)

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?

I’ll show you Obama’s birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin’s high school diploma.

Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake–you know, to send the right message to kids.

Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

Bill Maher Quotes Captions For Instagram
Bill Maher Quotes Captions For Instagram

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We have a Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

I think religion is a neurological disorder.

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep & conformists.

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here’s what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here’s what they don’t know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I’d join the Tea Party.

Many people can’t deal with unanswered questions, which religion exploits by providing answers, even if they are just made up by someone. This is also why we love TV shows and movies that neatly wrap up everything in exactly an hour or two.

New Rule: Gay marriage won’t lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn’t lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the equal protection clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages. You get married, and every night, it’s the same sex.

I didn’t really think a lot about religion, but I didn’t really think a lot against it, either. I was one of those people who didn’t go to church, but when I got in trouble I kinda pleaded with God – whoever that was.

You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.

Anything is depressing if you dwell on it. The fact that religion could end the world? Yeah, I guess that could be considered depressing. But considering that there’s also a lot to laugh at, I think it’s a good balance.

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