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George Carlin Quotes Captions For Instagram
George Carlin Quotes Captions For Instagram

Trending George Carlin Quotes Captions For Instagram

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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

George Carlin Quotes Captions For Instagram
George Carlin Quotes Captions For Instagram

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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

George Carlin Quotes Captions For Instagram
George Carlin Quotes Captions For Instagram

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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

Careful, if you think too much, they’ll take you away.

Think off-center.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

Conservatives say if you don’t give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they’ve lost all incentive because we’ve given them too much money.

Also Read: Check out our latest posts in Sad Category

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